Does anyone know how to do this?
In my case I have two of those kids. Both are many times too smart for their own good. (After re-reading this I find that you can read the previous sentence two different way. Both are applicable.) I have joked in the past about the fact that I'm raising a junior law firm right in my own home.
Jeff likes to debate, negotiate, argue, dispute, fight etc. Many times I just want him to shut up and do as he is told because I told him to. Many times I tell him this with the wrong delivery - read between the lines here - and that only leads to a bigger discussion or - in the past more than now - a blowout. A collision of wills.
I remember back to when I didn't have any kids yet and my older brother was pulling his hair out with his oldest daughter. At the time, she must have been about 5 or 6. He kept telling me that she was so strong-willed and that it was very frustrating... at least I think that was the term.
Well, I, with all of my infinite parenting wisdom, "counseled" him with these profound words. "You know, that will will serve her well one day." Cough, choke and snort. I've been eating those words ever since and they don't taste the greatest and they have a long after-taste.
The fact is that it has served my niece well and I'm pretty confident that it will serve my kids well as long as they learn to temper their will when they need to. Sometimes they do; many times they do not. I have the same problem.
As Sam has moved on into 6th grade he has become a master of questions and many times the questions are unnecessary if he would just think about them. That is another topic. However, many of the questions just seem to be a way to question my authority and I want to cram them back down his throat. I know a lot of teachers proclaim that there is no such thing as a stupid question. They haven't lived in my house.
With Sam, I have to wonder.
My kids are likely more intelligent than I am but when it comes to how smart they are... that's another story.
I have no idea if this would work or not, but what if you sat down with each of them to have them give you ideas on how they should be parented? It would exercise their thought processes. You lay out all the things God has called you to accomplish through parenting, and all the other random things they need to be successful adults. Have them help come up with strategies, which offenses should be punishable, what the consequences should be, etc. They may have ideas you haven't considered, and when they balk at the consequences, you can point back to the talks and their involvement in deciding that. I think this scenario helps them use their intelligence responsibly and also helps them understand the things you need to accomplish as their parent. Just a thought. --Erica
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your thinking Erica. Anne and I have tried this to some degree recently with the computer situation. We worked together with them -gave them involvement and input - to formulate and agreement for them to be allowed on the computer. It was a back and forth discussion and we did tell them what our goals were and that we feel we were following how God is instructing us to help them change their priorities. It does stipulate what our expectations are and why and what happens if they are met and if they are not. Including them in the process and giving them a part in the discussion we thought went well and we hope it did allow them use their intelligence in a positive way and we could all treat each other with respect. It has been implemented for a few weeks now with mixed results. I'll post about it soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment.